I had such big plans for today.  I was going to get my review up for Rest in Pieces, do laundry, some adult things that needed attended to, and then read.  As it turned out I only got started on that list before I had full on panic attack this morning.  Lately I've been having issues with my teeth and at first I wrote it off as them shifting because of age.  Nothing to worry about, but then I started to worry.  What if my gums are receding?  What if it's a crack? What if it's a dead tooth?


The last couple of days, things have been better.  My mouth feels back to normal, except one tooth feels off.  Just really no right in my mouth.  So today something in my brain finally had enough and I freaked.  Now I have dentist appointment for tomorrow to figure this out.  Which should in fact make me feel better.  I'm going to get answers, they can help me fix the problem.  There's been no pain so it shouldn't be my gums because that would be a painful thing.


For a while today I was.  In fact my mouth started to feel better as I lounged around on my couch watching random daytime TV trying to stay calm.  All of a sudden now my tooth feels weird again, there's some pain, and I'm freaking out about what the dentist is going to tell me.  How bad is mouth messed up?


So now I'm freaking out over if my gums have reach the point of no return and my teeth are finally starting to freak out?  Are they going to want to pull all of my front teeth?  Is this something I'm just going to have to wait and see if gets worse?


The pain is new, for the most part my tooth is making me uncomfortable.  Like something is stabbing me in the gum.  What if there's something in my gums causing this? All of this stuff is swirling around in my brain and I can't focus on a book.  I can't focus on what I want to say in a review and I keep laying all of this on my sister tonight and I feel bad.  


I've never been scared in my life to go the dentist and for the first time I am.  Not because he might have to pull a tooth or drill or whatever, but because there's going to be something seriously wrong that I can afford to fix.  It's moments like these that I hate being 4000 miles from my family.  I hate being terrified, but I needed to rant like a crazy person somewhere.  There's a good chance I might pull this down tomorrow since this a book blog and here I am ranting about my fear of what I'm going to find out tomorrow.


I'm so hopeful it's a small thing with an easy fix.  That I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.